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Realname: MK

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The Best Star Trek Character Ever: Miles O'Brien off Star Trek: TNG.

Miles O'Brien is like an engineer or something. Or maybe he just stands around and beams people up. I know he does the beaming. He looks totally lost on this crew of purposeful, confident starship personnel. He looks like the guy who lives two doors down and always goes out to get the mail in his underwear even though everyone on the block has asked him not to, but he keeps forgetting. Also, he leaves his house at a different time every morning even though you know he has a 9 to 5 job at the same office your dad works at. He probably has loud parties occasionally and you'll see him blearily walking his dog the next afternoon wearing nothing but a shorty robe and one slipper. He looks confused by the world and probably always ends up cleaning up after the loud parties he hosts in an attempt to get closer to the one or two friends he has, but they end up making out with girls he doesn't know on his sofa and he wanders through his house feeling like a stranger and half-heartedly telling people there's more beer in the fridge. You probably went to his house once selling candles for a school fundraiser. He probably bought 25 scented Yankee Candles to be a good neighbor, and then when you dropped them off at his house he just looked confused and invited you inside to see his collection of first-edition Marvel comics. Then he suddenly looked at you like you were from Pluto, said "wait... sorry," shut the door in your face, and you heard him making a phone call inside. You just put the candles on his porch and went home wondering if maybe he had his heart broken by some woman 15 years ago and it just left him a little shell-shocked. Years later you come home from college for Thanksgiving vacation and see him watching you from the end of his driveway, still in his shorty robe and one slipper. He waves and yells something to you and you go over because he seems lonely. You say "hi" and he looks mystically over your left shoulder for too long. Just as you're about to check if there's maybe something behind you, he says "I really enjoyed those candles you sold me." You nod and smile, and he smiles, and you say something awkward about how you have to go see your mom, and he gives you the little wink and finger-gun thing and says "see you around." And you go home with a strange feeling of deja vu. The next morning the mailman finds him dead, the apparent cause being that his terrier bit his wrist and he just didn't know how to stop the bleeding. You go to his funeral half out of sympathy, half hoping he left all his possessions to you because of the candle incident. The only other people there are a 6' 2" tall French woman who sits in a pew in the last row looking stone-faced, and a mime in a three-piece suit who weeps silently. His will contains only two phrases, "I leave everything to Mona, the love of my life, and Rex, my faithful terrier," and "to my neighbor- I really did enjoy those candles. See you around."

So yeah, take that guy and put him in a remote part of the USS Enterprise, and you've got Miles O'Brien.

TAORI: to annoy or ridicule idiots

:::
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