The fatness is not a problem, I think to make it realistic you need to add a little more clarity, as it is rather blurry. Try going in with the pen tool and adding finer lines. Although it is not clear if you intended this or not, it looks like she/he is wearing either a mask or just makeup similar to used in japanese theater (which would make it a him?)...
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drawn in 52 min
drawn in 8 min