You may have heard about this before but it's still funny...

A radio station routinely paid money for people to tell their most embarrassing stories. Here was one of the winners:
I was due later that week for an appointment with the gynecologists when early one morning I received a call from his office: I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30am. I had just packed everyone off to work and school and it was around 8:45 already.

The trip to his office usually took about 35 minutes so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I'm sure, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth and gave myself a wash in "that area" in front of the sink, taking extra care to make sure that I was presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room only a few minutes when he called me in. Knowing the procedure, as I am sure all women do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended I was in Hawaii or some other place a million miles away from there.

I was a little surprised when he said: "My...we have taken a little extra effort this morning, haven't we?", but I didn't respond.

The appointment over, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day went normal, some shopping, cleaning and the evening meal, etc. At 8:30 that evening my 14 year old daughter was getting ready for a school dance, when she called down from the bathroom, "Mom - where's my washcloth?"

I called back for her to get another one from the cabinet.

She called back, "No - I need the one that was here by the sink. It had all my glitter and sparkles in it."

Ha, this joke was used as a plot on a Dutch tv-series. It had me in stitches. It was slightly adapted though. Will post link to that episode, as soon as I get the player to work on my laptop. (To make sure I don't make you watch it entirely.)

That's hysterical....that doctor must have felt so privileged to have a gussied up "area" presented to him...lol

Funny, but sounds fake.

How could she not notice the glitter?

If I grabbed a cloth impregnated with glitter and wiped my diddle with it, I would notice. No matter how much of a hurry I'm in.

That was a pretty funny story and a little sexy to boot.

I have a glitter story, it's far less interesting than the one above but I'm going to tell it anyway. :D

One day I made this poster for an elective class in high school, I used glitter-glue to design it. I got some glitter-glue on my face, specifically near my eyes but I wasn't aware of my new "make-up" until a couple classes later that day. Apparently, some of the glitter-glue got into my eyes, so my eyes started itching really bad, like their was something in them. I went to the bathroom to clean my eyes, where I first found out I was walking around with glitter on my face (needless to say, I was a little embarrassed). I was artsy fartsy back then but I wasn't that uninhibited or flamboyant when it came to my fashion choices (and I'm still not). I'm sure a couple people thought my new look was a little odd, yet I must have pulled it off because NO one mentioned it to me. Anyway, I was able to get the glitter off my face (or so I thought) and went off to my art class.

When I got to my art class, my eyes still itched a bit and I was rubbing them constantly. While working on my art project, my art teacher, Mr. Alexander, came by to check out my progress. I showed him my work and his reaction was a little odd, not so much to my artwork but to me. He kept snickering to himself while I talked to him, like I was telling him a joke. Eventually he wandered off to look at another students work. After giving it a little thought, I figured I still had a little glitter on my face and he was reacting to that. My friend Jeremy was sitting next to me while all this went down. He looked at me and asked me flat out "Dude, are you stoned?" I'd never been stoned in my life (up to that point), so I thought Jeremy was busting my balls, but no, he was dead serious. Apparently (and I'm sure some of you figured it out), my eyes were really red and nearly shut from all the itching and rubbing. So of course, other people hear this little conversation I'm having with Jeremy and they look at me and confirm that I look "really stoned". GREAT!

Now comes the even stupider part. At that time in my life, I was all about being a "good boy", that means no drinking, no drugs, no breaking the law, I was basically "straight edge". So I decided it was best to secure my "good student" reputation with my art teacher, by explaining to him that I was not stoned and that glitter-glue was to blame for my appearance. Of course, this was a stupid idea. After I told him my glitter-glue story, he basically told me that it's ok and not to worry about it but I could tell he wasn't buying it.

I'm sure he was thinking something like; "Sure, it was just the "glitter glue" that made your eyes glassy, bloodshot and red. And of course there's no way you're telling me this lame story because you're paranoid out of your mind, you goofy-ass little pothead." Anyway, that's my lame little story, hope you enjoyed it.

My stupid story isn't as good as Clox's but I'm going to tell it. When I was about 13 years old I lived in a little town in Colorado, Limon Colorado. I found myself home alone one summer day and for no apparent reason I began to ponder memory. Not the computer kind, it was the mid 70's, we didn't have computers, or at least they were not readily available to the average citizen. Anyway, I'm bored and thinking about memory and forgetting and I wondered at what point does one actually forget something. We are aware of what we were to remember and then we are not, we've forgotten whatever it was. Is there a way to pinpoint at what point one actually forgot whatever it was they were trying to remember? Hmmm... I'll just have to investigate by way of an experiment. So I decided that the experiment would go like this. I put a dab of toothpaste on my forehead. I thought, OK, the toothpaste is on my forehead, this is a fact and I remember putting it there. It is out of sight but I know it's there. I will remember it's there. How long can I remember it is there? If I forget it is there, I will attempt to recall what I was doing by back tracking and attempt to pinpoint at what point I forgot it was there. Well, later that day, after having walked through the neighborhood, up main street and over to 7-11 and back to buy candy or some such crap, I found myself in the bathroom. As I was leaving the bathroom I glanced at the mirror and noticed a large glob of toothpaste on my forehead. "Oh yeah, the toothpaste experiment. Shit." I never did figure out exactly when I forgot.

hahahaha

OK, just got a new story to tell. I was just now taking the trash out to the curb, so I opened the garage door, drag the crap out there, come back into the garage, decide to pick something up off the workbench, causing a new unopened can of gloss black automotive paint to fall off the workbench and onto the floor, the lid pops off on impact and cover a large blob shape of my garage floor and I was wearing sandals so half of my right foot is black also. I figure I'll wear some other sandals and if anyone asks about my foot I'll tell them I got frost bite from climbing the Andes mountains. Also, the antibiotics that the doctor gave me for my ass boil problem cause diarrhea, so I pooped a little when I got surprised. Guess I should burn my arm with a cigar now.

Did you know there's a glob of toothpaste on your forehead?

Hahahahaha, I'm laughing my butt off here. It was actually a very cool experiment, the toothpaste one.

Axil, I think it would be interesting to just follow you around on an ordinary day and video what happens.
http://www.Youtube.com/Axilonanordinaryday.com
no don't click it, it's not a real link..

lol that would be funny.

I would love to see that video...lol

I don't have any funny stories.

The fuck word.

Oh for sure..that's the funniest thing I ever heard...

Oh oh oh, I remember a story.

One time in art class in high school, a bunch of us were sitting around a desk.
One person takes out his plastic document tube and whispers something to the person next to him then passes him the tube.
This guy opens the tube, puts his nose up to it and sniffs and looks slyly at the first guy.

The tube makes it's way around the table and everybody's grinning funnily at the tube owner.
Eventually the empty tube makes it's way around to me. Curiosity aroused I eagerly, but cautiously dock my nose in the opening and took a sniff.
And then another, and then a few more.
Smells kinda nice, I said, and continued inhaling the unfamiliar, earthy aroma.
By now everyone on the table was looking at me strangely like I had something on my face.

I asked the tube owner what it was. He only grinned at me.
Everyone refused to give me even a hint of what the mysterious scent was.
Unenlightened, I reluctantly relinquished the tube.

Sometime later I discovered it was marijuana.

What? Not funny? Well screw you.

True story...One time I was in class and this guy I hated kept harassing me and I asked him repeatedly to leave me alone...and he ended up making a very lewd comment to me about how he would love to do so and so to various parts of my anatomy ..and I proceeded to pick up my scissors and throw them at him and they got stuck in his shoe..I got expelled that year..but the look on his face was priceless....now that shit is funny..

Here is something that's not funny. http://www.breitbart.tv/html/330913.html
They want to destroy ALL of private industry - they want to nationalize the banks and financial institutions, they want to own the automobile industry, and now they want to destroy the private insurance companies. What they are really destroying is our freedom - socialism destroys individual freedom.

In the words of James Hatfield.."Sad but True"..my queston is this....what can we actually do about it...?

Buy guns and wait.

First part done....

When did private industry become the enemy in America? America was founded on private industry and individual freedoms. All of you socialist-wanna-bees better be careful what you wish for - because once you get it, there is no turning back.

They're stupid enough to believe that it's a good thing, jpjp.

Yep..and were all gonna suffer for it....

Public health care is not about destroying freedom or owning private businesses, its about providing HEALTH CARE to those who cannot afford it. And if you think that if someone can't afford it they shouldn't get it, then that is an incredibly ignorant/elitist attitude. Someones social/economic standing is not always a reflection of their personality/ambition/drive, etc.

Oh, by the way, Jpjp, I don't know if you noticed, but your country is fucked, and because its pushed its way to the top by its fuckaree its caused a worldwide problem and it seems to me, everyone is scrambling to fix it. The united states has been existing on a broken/corrupt/greedy system for so long it had to explode which is kinda whats happening now. But your "red scare" attitude is refreshing...While you are standing behind "private industry" , the great and friendly entities that they are, feel free to go talk to one of the thousands upon thousands of americans who have lost their jobs due outsourcing to a foreign country so that the ceo's and board members can make a few extra million.

Anyway, I try to avoid the news/politics because its all a big pile of B.S. I'll just keep plugging along in my own life and attempt to keep my head out of my ass and my ass out of the gutter.

this kind of turned into a directionless rant, And, I'm not really sure I see the point of posting this as arguing this is like arguing religion and I've made my views on that clear here before.

worth a read http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=92419273

In case you haven't noticed - socialized medicine is inferior healthcare. Why do you think they are dying in Mexico from the swine flu, but Americans are not - because we are getting appropriate & timely treatment. Also, in case you have not noticed, hospitals cannot turn people away in America, they are already required by law to treat everyone. Both the uninsured & insured are being treated now and the standard of care is very high here. Socializing medicine will only lower standards of treatment and enable the government to totally control your medical care. I do believe healthcare should be affordable & accessible to everyone, but socializing it does not solve the problem. I work in the healthcare industry, and I have been laid off from a job before, so I know what that is like. I still don't want the government running my life.

If you want a good representation of how well the government runs healthcare, look at the Veteran's Administration. These are Veteran's for goodness sake! They should be cared for at a high level for having served their Country, and yet they get sub-standard treatment at best and have to wade through all the bureaucratic b.s. just to be seen in the first place.
So, now every American will get the 'benefit' of this treatment? No, thank you.