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Location:
Candy Mountain
Date of Birth:
February 23rd, 1989 (36)
Gender:
Female
Registered:
Jun 7, 2007
Last Access:
Dec 22, 2008 |
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk.
Seven out of ten people suffer from hemmorhoids. Does this mean that the other three enjoy it...?
When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the backyard. I was an only child...eventually.
I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.
Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.
I grew up with seven brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
If life gives you lemons - make grapejuice. Then sit back and let people wonder how you did it.
A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go about ten feet and pretend YOU got bit by a snake. Then start an argument about who's going to get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh.
But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.... |
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